Looking for a Funny Kirk/Bones fic

[pinme13.livejournal.com]

I am looking for a AOS Bones/Kirk fic and it was hilariously funny. I don't remember the author or the title.
I know I read this on livejournal but Jim & Bones were in a relationship, there was glitter involved the story somehow, Jim was a giant 14 yr old girl. He gets kidnapped and help by some princess or queen or something and when Bones finds him he asks "Why is your life PORN Jim?!" Porn was all caps.
In the end, Jim send the kidnapper a gift basket because she got bones to admit he loves Jim.
I hope somebody remembers this story. It was so funny and I would love to read it again.

Thanks for the help,
Pinme

Fic Search: Jocelyn on the Enterprise

[mylenn.livejournal.com]

I am looking for an old, old story. It is Kirk/McCoy, I believe, and it involved Jocelyn coming aboard the Enterprise. I don't think Kirk knew that it was Jocelyn, Mccoy's ex, that he was welcoming aboard. I think she was with her new husband? At some point, she might have been trying to seduce Kirk or was spying on him for some reason?

Help! It's driving me nuts that I can't find it!