FOUND: Spock coping with telepathic aftermath of Star Trek (2009)

[hannelore-grace.livejournal.com]

I'm looking for a fic which I fear may have been deleted :(

It was a long fic detailing Spock dealing with the emotional and telepathic ramifications of the destruction of Vulcan. It was a long fic WIP that (to my knowledge) was last updated in December or January. It was posted on A03. Here's what I remember:

• Spock begins having panic attacks whenever he's too far away from the Enterprise because he's basically replaced the bonds of Vulcan with bonds to the crew


• At one point he and Jim are sparring, and he becomes aroused. He doesn't know what it is; Jim basically ends up having to give him a mini-crash course in Sex Ed. Spock ends up throwing up in the shower.


• Spock and Jim are sort of bonded? As in, any time Spock tries distancing himself from Jim, he suffers. This eventually leads to a meltdown in a turbolift, and when Jim comes to help he strokes a gland on the back of Spock's neck that turns Spock to goo.


• Spock enters pon farr. Jim locks them both in quarantine and lets Spock fuck him. Afterward, Jim is upset because he feels like he raped Spock, given that Spock wasn't capable of consent. Spock, meanwhile, is emotionally distressed because it feels like Jim is rejecting him.

And I believe that was the last chapter posted. If anyone has a link to this fic, I would adore you for forever. I cannot say how many times I've re-read it; I'll be heartbroken if it's gone for good. :(

Fic found here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/912684/chapters/1768915

"Not an Island" by Fourleggedfish