kirk/spock mccoy/spock

[azazel24.livejournal.com]

Hello~

Could someone please help me in finfing this fic that I read a long time ago.

All I can remember is that it was on KIrk's POV and that Kirk and Spock are in a relationship but KIrk doesn't treat Spock right, cheating on him and hurting him during sex. One time, he tied Spock in a bed and then "raped" him, there was a lot of blood and then KIrk forgot about it. But then, Mccoy who is already in love with Spock tried to protect Spock from KIrk and making KIrk see his errors. In the end, Kirk let go of spock eventhough he still loves him, and Spock and Mccoy grew old together while Kirk was all sad and lonely because he still loves spock. 

Thats all I can remember, sorry if it wasn't too clear. Thank you